i miss slicefessing. i miss cutting in general. i wonder how long itll be before i give in & break out new blades. im gonna try to go for a few months.
idek what my record is. i also dont know the date i gave my dad my blades so now i cant really even keep track.. fuck. i cant wait until i can cut wherever
& whenever. ive been putting some actual thought into.. not dying young & if thats the route im going.. i gotta stop eventually.. maybe. but if im going to continue
to be malicious & stubborn, i cant WAIT to cut different parts of my leg. much more inclined to cut the lower half of my body? arms make me squirm. but i wanna cut
my actual leg instead of my thigh. just.. midweek self harm fantasies.. my brain has not stopped churning them out since this mess all started. i assume no one has noticed,
but i entered a bunch of writings from old notebooks. not much of interest, but it feels good to have everything in one place.

im so obsessed with niko. i think he might be getting bored of me. thats okay, hes allowed. but i cant stop thinking about him. i think about him all day long.