hello, 9:01pm friday july third. last few days have been weird mentally but its kind of exciting. its like i need to live some massivley underwhelming double life.
since i decided to completley blur the line between online persona and the way i act irl, its been a little less like a double life. i adopted my online persona to the
fullest extent and deny everything i stood for between ages 10-14/15. its easier than you may think but that might just be me & my head. but while i can ignore
who i used to be, it doesnt change the fact that it happened. [more redacted] to jump to another topic, i love my friends. im upset ive been putting off getting on
call but i try to be in the gc as much as possible but that comes off as clingy. whatever. bridget brody and i have decided our backup-backup plan will be going
off the grid together and overdosing on heroin. ive never entertained the thought. i hate heroin, its never peaked my interest at all. but as a method of suicide
its something 2 consider. i could gush & gush about how much i love that i finally have people i can joke about this stuff with. i say joke very lightly.. but you
know. id love to spend a week together with them. do a bunch of fun shit and treat ourselves and then DIE. i just think that the week of fun would make
me less suicidal so i dont know how easy thatd be. we would have to all have mental brekadowns and the same time and just pump that shit into each other. hypo-
thetically though. 10:17 now. smoking :) brody and this person named ash were in the gc a bit ago but i think brody went to work on her neocities too. bonding
activity..OH and fabio asked me earlier if i wanted to call him and play L4D while vince was working and i kind of just ghosted him. i feel bad, i like fabio a lot.
we're both fairly quiet on call though so idk how fun that would be. playing games while talking always helps though. grrr i shouldve done it.. ive been ghosting
julia as well. i think i told her i was coming over tomorrow. i want to go smoke more and go on pinterest or something. пока