hello i am high. last night i fell asleep crying about the manson family. i love lynette so very much. i talked to brody for a second last night, it was nice. she is very silly.
theyre all so easy to interact with. its scary actually. its been so long since i had.. reciprocating friends. i have julia but i admittedly take her for granted. i love her so so
much but im not exactly scared of losing her. i dont think she could cut me off if she wanted to.. i say that but that might just be my ego. im her best friend i think. i HOPE.
shes mine, thats for sure. but we dont have much in common anymore. we grew a lot as people together and we've been consistant friends through a shitton of things but
the deeper i get into 'true crime' & extremism the less i know how to act around her. around anyone for that matter. i know its my fault, i know its me changing, not anyone
else. thats what happened with karlie. thats what happened with lara. but now, as im making friends with similar beliefs, its like.. what can i possibly do to drive these freaks
away from me? i say freaks as lovingly as possible. and its not like i WANT to drive them away from me, fuck no. but every friendship has ended due to some aspect of my
personality. everything in time i suppose, i dont spend much time worrying about it but its always in the back of my mind. especially when i dont call for a day or two or miss
a big conversation while im sleeping. those things are bound to happen but theyre not things that im used to.

hi! its 6pm now. we went out to warren today in the middle of a tornado i guess. the sirens and radio were going off but we drove through it like it was a thunderstorm. thats all
it ended up being really, someone said it touched down in lordstown but i didnt see it myself. lots of lightning, lots and lots of rain. my dads friend said i can probably work for
his catering service in august. im excited, ive been waiting to get a job. but now that its here im nervous. i guess that was expected too.. grr.. self awareness am i right? i had an
exchange with hope today in the groupchat. i made me happier than i would have expected. i dont have the desire to be her friend as much as i do with brody or puppy, but it was
nice to talk directly to each other. when i type it out like that i physically cringe at how interation-starved i am. theres no use in trying to deny it, but its pathetic and gross and i hate it.
its not like.. a reoccuring issue or anything, its not inherently bad, i just dislike it.