overwhelmed! is all. so overwhelmed. by my niko. i just cant believe hes mine. after everything we've both been through, we're together. and if i were
reading the shit i'm typing rn two years ago id be like shut the fuck up you sappy motherfucker your relationship is not the be-all and end-all of your life. but now??
fuck YOU, 15yr old mila. my relationship IS the be-all and end-all of my life. and many others! this isn't like any of the relationships i was making fun of.
no one i've ever made fun of has felt what niko makes me feel. god i'm so tired but this feeling is worth remembering. this weird nostalgia for all the eras of niko ive never known.
it almost feels like mourning. but i know he's the same person and the things he went through made him into who im in love with today. i said if we'd known in each other in middle
school i wouldve hated him. i think that came off a bit harsher than i intended. i just have such a distain for cheerleaders and gymnasts because everyone in my class thought the girls
who could do back handsprings were sooo cooool and i was chubby and talentless and homicidal. i just never learnt to properly feel envy. if i was jealous of you i hated ur guts and
wanted ur head on a platter. there was no time for feeling sorry for myself for being less fortunate. the girls in my class that were talented weren't even PRETTY though. but niko. niko
was so fucking hot all the fucking time and if i saw someone looking like that walking around my school i'd see them as the biggest threat known to man. i fear what i cannot match,
therefore i have become unmatchable! and that's why now, 16/17 year old mila is juuuuust mature enough to say hey. you have ur face&body and i have mine. nothing is going to change that. i may dislike the way i look, but it does nothing but waste energy to hate you for being more conventionally attractive than me. ANYWAY. my boyfriend is so sexy i cant stand it. i cant believe he has feelings for me at all let alone as much as he says he does. if i had a crush on him before he had one on me, i would have NEVER approached him. too good looking. out of my league. not a chance. not worth getting my hopes up. and HELL when he sent me that picture for my long-forgotten alyssa bustamante edit i BLOCKED HIM. because he was HOT. i got SCARED. i said oooooh no. we are not catching feelings for someone on tcctwt. but fate! fate fate always fate. the cheesier the better, assholes, you're just mad you'll never experience this. this is what dylan wrote about. true, destined, pure love. he knew this existed, he just thought it was for him. and i've spent my time feeling guilty about that. having the love that dylan wanted so badly. i don't deny he would've preferred to go out with his soulmate. but that wasn't his .. yknow. fate. it's ours. & it's fucking disgusting to type out because i've always preached that love is not the answer. but this is more than love, i was born to die next to that boy. i'm so tired. i'm so in love. i realize how haughty i sound but i don't care. i'm so so so in love and i have every right to brag about it.